Editorial:
Fleecing the flock
Dear Editor,
I thought you might want to know of some developments that have been passed on to me in a letter from the vertical Apostle D. R. Gitabuck, Midwest Regional Director for the Lovadollar Foundation. Here’s the correspondence that he sent me:
Dear Brother in Christ, I am sure by now that you have heard the news that the Reverend Lovadollar’s magazine (Huckster Supreme) has been going through a very tough time financially and is therefore running a special Christmas edition of the magazine, titled Deck the Halls with Lots of Folly. This special edition offers a plan for spreading the wealth that is by all accounts very bold and innovative.
The Reverend Lovadollar will follow the release of this special edition with a Christmas broadcast that is designed for all of you beloved brethren who have come to see the Biblical revelation of prosperity for all seed-sowers. In this broadcast the Reverend Lovadollar will preach from his two favorite texts (Gen 8:22 and Luke 6:38) clothed in a Santa Claus suit and sitting in large sleigh surrounded by flying reindeers.
Come expecting a miracle brother, with your heart wide open to the special prosperity anointing that Brother Lovadollar bears and that will no doubt be imparted to you and yours, indeed to all who “sow” into this wonderfully “good soil” of a “proven” ministry like this. Why we over the years have “proven” that we know how to encourage people to give with seed faith. Yes, indeed, we gather cash out of your pocket faster than Gomer Pyle can say “schazaam”!
I also have been informed that Brother Lovadollar will be preaching this sermon with a perfect Christmas backdrop: a 65 foot Christmas tree with flashing red, white and blue lights, a manger scene in which the three wise men bring Jesus treasure chests full of gold (forget the frankincense and the myhrr, we’re going for the gold), and with large green snowflakes coming down from the sky that turn into $100 bills upon hitting the ground. People of course will be encouraged to give so that they may invest in their heavenly bank account and be blessed with 100fold increase, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over into the Reverend Lovadollars bank account.
This should stablize the ministry’s tottering financial status, and will be followed by a President’s Day special in February, in which people will have opportunity to give at many levels, depending on how much they want to reap from their giving.
The ministry has found that giving just one dollar (the Washington plan) or even five (the Lincoln plan) does little in terms of benefitting either the giver or the receiver. In fact they are hoping to “up the anti” this year by encouraging that everyone begin their giving at the $100 level (the Franklin plan). Thus, the levels this year will run in groups that multiply by 10, starting with the $100 level and then moving from there to the $1000 level, the $10,000 level, the $100,000 level, and finally, the $1,000,000 level, the latter two being a “leap of faith” that will have the power to move mountains and will probably result in more than just financial blessing. Forget George, Abe, Alexander, Andrew, and Ulysses; move straight to Ben, and remember our motto, that “you help us mend, when you give ten of Ben”.
More later on the opportunities for ministry that are opening up around the globe. A wolf is not that picky about his sheep. He likes them in whatever form they come, from any nation, tribe or tongue.
In your service, Apostle D. R. Gitabuck, Midwest Regional Director for the Lovadollar Foundation. ________________________________________________________
- Dr. John Hartmann
Dr. John J. Hartmann, is a graduate of Covenant Theological Seminary, St. Louis, MO (Master of Arts in Exegetical Theology) and of Cambridge University, England (Ph.D. in New Testament with specialization in Early Judaism and Pauline Theology). http://drjohnhartmann.net
He is the senior teacher and overseer, of Living Word Christian Fellowship, a non-denominational church in St. Louis that is currently meeting on Sundays at 10 a.m. at the Knights of Columbus building at 7361 Telegraph Road, Oakville, MO 63129. Click for a Map to the building.
Dr. Hartmann can be contacted at oracle@drjohnhartmann.net
