Fat
Fat lady to sing
“It’s not over till I sing,” said the infamous Fat Lady, bursting at the seams with anticipation.SheepTrax Undercover investigations learned that the Fat Lady is in fact readying herself for her first and final engagement. We caught up with her on her Apocalypse World Tour as she was warming up for her first, and final, solo performance.
SheepTrax: You’re the famous Fat Lady?
Fat Lady: (grins) I not only sing scales, I tip ‘em.
SheepTrax: What happens after you finally sing?
Fat Lady: It’s over.
SheepTrax: It. It? What is over - exactly?
Fat Lady: The universe as we know it.
SheepTrax: Wow! Ummm… how did you land a gig like this?
Fat Lady: He often likes to go with an unknown…
SheepTrax: He? He who?
Fat Lady: God, of course. He’s into choosing the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. I was once runner up on Babylonian Idol but…
SheepTrax: I remember you. Didn’t you lose to your cousin?
Fat Lady: My infamous Great Whore of a cousin? Well, she’s just a distant cousin but she is such a purple pig! That lush is always drunk on the blood of the saints and all.
SheepTrax: The Great Whore of the book of Revelation? The Harlot Church? Are you serious?
Fat Lady: Same hussy. She’s “the mother of Harlots,” which means she’s got a lot of little daughters running around who look and act an awful lot like her.
SheepTrax: Family reunions must bite.
Fat Lady: Not since I renounced the clan and gave my life to Jesus. He said something about saving the best for last and surprised me with this singing gig. Funny, but when I quit trying to be great, when I quit seeking glory, he suddenly raised me to greatness for his glory.
SheepTrax: Then please get to it.
And the famed Fat Lady stepped up to the microphone… and seals were split… trumpets blew… bowls were poured out… the Beast gave a mark… as did the Spirit of God… Satan fell like lighting… the sky darkened… a meteor fell killing many… the kings of the earth gathered together for battle at a place called Armageddon… the sky split… and the Ancient of Days returned triumphant with ten thousand ten thousand of his holy ones as her last soaring note rose in crescendo finally falling silent. There was no applause for none was needed.
It was finally over.
For this truly solo performance she had belted out “The End of the World.” The devils and the damned weren’t too keen on it but, speaking as one of the victorious saints, I feel fine.
Bryan Hupperts © 2008
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