Casa,
No Vacancy
(With apologies to Humphry Bogart).
“Of all the Inn joints in all the towns in all the Roman Empire, she walks into mine,” sobbed tormented innkeeper Marvin the Sloshite of Bethlehem. He says the bad press from denying lodging to the pregnant mother of the Savior of the world is hurting his business and ruining his reputation.
Marvin lamented as he bogarted down a watery cup of wine, that with the Roman Census finally over, he now has spare beds at his “Extra Mile, Jew & Gentile Inn,” a sleeping, drinking, and eating establishment. “Sure, the Bible says to ‘be hospitable to strangers for some have entertained angels unaware,’ but this?” moaned Marvin. “I stuck the Son of God in the barn; in the barn!”
He said, “When Joseph and his waddling wife Mary showed up, mind you, with no reservation, I knew she was gonna pop any minute, but hey, all my beds were paid for. There was no room at my Inn. At least I gave her the barn; cheap, too. Did the mokes at the Jew Drop Inn even try to accommodate her? No!,” Offering an anemic toast to the swaddled Savior of the world, the Sloshite slurred, “Here’s looking for you, kid.”
Still, things are looking up. Marvin noted that as time goes by, business is slowly picking up though it’s more for the notoriety of his mangled manger management practices than his hospitality. “The whole birth in the barn thing is beginning to bringing in tourists. Sure, the women hate me – and let me tell you, those stones hurt - but at least the guys sort of understand. Traveling with a pregnant woman is hard, even on them!”
Staring into his wine, he muttered, “If I could just get that choir of angels back, I know the entertainment would bring back the guests. That is, if they didn’t croak from fright.”
Marvin hopes to be remembered somewhat kindly considering the situation with the Census. “We were overrun with guests. What? I’m supposed to love every neighbor? It doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday I hope people will understand that and at least remember me as the guy who kept baby Jesus out of the rain the night he was born.”
Marvin the Sloshite suddenly slapped himself upside the head. “Three people? Oh man, I just realized… barn or not, I only charged them lodging for two. They shorted me a shekel. After the baby was born, that technically upped it to three guests…”
No one has ever confessed as to who threw the stone that beaned mercenary Marvin the Sloshite. The smiling ladies of Bethlehem have promised that whoever threw the stone, they would be welcomed into the beginnings of a beautiful friendship.
Marvin had no further comment - ever.
Bryan Hupperts © 2006 - 2009
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