Bible
The Bible Drinking Game
It’s not pony rides for memorizing Bible verses that some churches are using to attract the young. And forget Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, too. One youth ministry has a new lineup: Jack Daniels, Jim Beam and Jose Cuero and the Bible Drinking Game.
“Well, sin is now so passé that we decided to do research and ‘become all things to all men’ – I admit those hangovers are hell – and see what college students were really interested. Thus, the Bible drinking game was born.” Said hip postmodern campus pastor Rev. Squirmy McFlesh.
The Game is simple. You pick a Bible verse card and explain its meaning to the other player. No need to worry about context, audience, or cultural relevancy. After all, your spiritual opinion is as good as anyone else’s. Your co-players give you thumbs up or down depending if they like the answer or not. Thumbs up – they toast you. Thumbs down – you chug till someone yells, God Help Us! And relax; you needn’t necessarily know the Bible because when it comes to postmodernism, Truth has little to do with it.
Proponents of this approach say that, win or loose, you’re sure to have at least read something of Scripture all the while getting royally sloshed. The kicker is that everyone drinks till the loser pukes and gets, to borrow a phrase from the book of Revelation, vomited out of Christ’s mouth.
While some concerned parents are raising eyebrows, liberals defend this innovative approach to ministry. “Truthfully, how is Rev. McFleshes’ approach that much different from other churches in the West who have abandoned the saving Gospel for politics, social action, or preaching about the love of money? Even Jesus turned water to wine, didn’t he? Hey, it draws a crowd.”
Clearly, blasphemy ain’t what is used to be.
Said McFlesh, “We have so many students showing up to play the Bible Drinking Game, it’s like having revival. We’re even playing Scripture Twister. Yes, the police are getting involved but we prefer to think of the arrests and DUIs as our gateway to postmodern jail ministry.”
Still, ministry is taking its toll on Rev. Squirmy McFlesh, even driving him to prayer. Holding his pasty white face between his shaking hands, he lamented, “Dear God, will someone PLEASE stop that awful pounding? Make it stop, make it stop…”
Such selfless dedication has inspired yet another successful postmodern youth ministry, Orgy Outreaches.
Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! Isaiah 5: 20 (NASB)
Bryan Hupperts © 2009
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