Choosin'
“My name is in the Bible prophetically because I am divinely chosen by God. You will not question me,” declares D’Lusion, mega prophet and supreme apostle of the Almighty, the man with whom God speaks to face to face.
D’Lusion says he does not merely speak “ex-cathedra” (with no error in matters of doctrine) but rather he speaks ‘hex cathedra” because to disagree with him is to disagree with God thus damming your soul.
With instant fame from his lone platinum CD, Innocent As OJ, the rapper once known as D’Filed says he is a changed man. D’Filed, now called D’Lusion, says he was converted to Christianity while in a jailhouse awaiting sentencing for smacking the ever loving crap out of his girlfriend in a coke-fueled frenzy. In one pre-sentencing moment he “saw the light” and was instantly saved, fully sanctified, and ordained a prophet to the nations, the blinding bling of his golden coke spoon giving way to the blinding bling of his golden cross.
Not known for accurately quoting Scripture, D’Lusion clams he gets his revelations from a higher source, his daily face to face meeting with God Himself. “I have a special throne sitting right next to Christ himself where we meet,” he boasted. “I am his right hand man on earth, his prophetic pimp.”
Critics of the young rapping gangsta prophet deride his claim to infallibility declaring that he would not know the difference between a John 3:16 and an M16.
During a recent drug bust, D’Lusion admitted he uses the time honored practice of the shaman partaking of ‘sacred hallucinogenics’ to induce his prophetic trances. It’s even how he got his new name.
“Jesus appeared to me in a trance and said, ‘I will choose your delusion.’ I’ve been D’Luson ever since.”
No matter his wild claims of raising 26 from the dead, repeated inaccurate predictions, brazenly foul mouth and drug abuse; with no change in lifestyle, 3 paternity suits pending, and a harem of bootylicious disciplettes to attend to his ‘personal needs’, we can conclude that clearly, D’Lusion is still D’Filed.
Alas, if only all false prophets were so easy to discern.
I also will choose their delusions, and will bring their fears upon them; because when I called, none did answer; when I spake, they did not hear. Isaiah 66: 4 (KJV)
Bryan Hupperts © 2009
This material maybe forwarded without cost provided the copyright and contact information remains intact. For knowing more about Jesus, radio interviews (and I am fun!) or, to subscribe to this once a week tabloid, contact bhupperts@sheeptrax.com
Christian satire, Christian humor, religious humor, pop culture parables, or snarky wit - call us what you will, we’re original.
SheepTrax Xpress: It’s not the News, It’s the Truth!
