Extended
The church postcards kept coming with the same dire warning: “Your salvation has or is about to expire. Call To Renew – While You Can!”
“I was pretty sure I was still right with God,” said sobbing Sarah Grace, widow and grandmother of 3, “but in these turbulent times, you have to be careful.” She, like so many other unsuspecting believers, shelled out $399.00 for an extended warranty on her salvation.
The Extended Salvation Warranty Plans were the brainchild of disgraced, fallen, and some would argue reprobate TV evangelist Rev. Owen Money. Famous for rebuking his Judge during his last fraud trial for “judging him,” Owen Money defends the practice.
“Com’on,” said Rev. Money, “The church has sold indulgences for the forgiveness of sins. Even Oral Roberts was gonna go home unless we all forked over millions to pay off God’s ransom demands. Why can’t I sell extended warranties for salvations? If nothing else, think of the piece of mind knowing you’ve purchased an extension of God’s gift of salvation – in case.”
Owen Money’s real name, according to court documents, is Willie Screwya, a small time hood who got “jailhouse religion” after being busted for selling imported blowup dolls as mail order brides. “It was a simple misunderstanding,” he explained.
Faced with prison, Willie Screwya saw the light and became an instant Internet ordained Bishop a week later founding C.A.S.H. (Church Almighty Salvation from Hell), Inc. Raising eyebrows among cult watchers, all checks were all made payable to CASH. After repeated charges of fraud, the state of Florida finally shut the “ministry” down labeling it a religious Ponzi scheme.
Now safely in the Bahamas, Rev. Money has been mailing what he calls “salvation reminders” to professing Christians offering to pray for their salvations “to be sure.” Owen Money says he has such favor with God he can pray and guarantee anyone’s salvation – for a price.
Experts say that if you get an ominous postcard, letter or email offering a warranty to extend your salvation, just throw it in the trash. According to Colossians 1:20, a true Christian has “Peace through the blood of His cross,” with God. No warranty is necessary. If you have not made peace with God through His Cross, no manmade warranty can help you.
“If God will forgive sins for indulgences (money), why wouldn’t he do it for love?” – Martin Luther
Bryan Hupperts © 2009
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