Hoax
Salvation Lite.
“No, Bill Gates isn’t sending you money for trying his new Windows operating system; and there is no Nigerian Billionare’s widow needing your help to discreetly transfer millions in bank funds; and sorry, but no grossly expensive herbal supplement is going to increase your sexual stamina,” said professional hoax buster Usain Watt.
“When it comes to the internet, Permissum textus superficies caveo, which is Latin for, “Let the web surfer beware,” said Watt.
Watt has dedicated his life to exposing online hoaxes and frauds. “The latest, and perhaps most dangerous, hoax circulating on the internet today is the bogus product, Salvation Lite,” he said. “It’s a total scam. People are falling for this one at an alarming rate.”
Because of the dangers associated with blindly trusting in Salvation Lite, its Hoax Alert level has been raised to Red to highlight the critical ramifications of trusting in this false product. Eternity is on the line.
And what is Salvation Lite?
Watt explained, “Sometimes, the best way to know a counterfeit from the real is to know the real. Genuine Salvation is a gift of God where by an individual turning from sin to God for forgiveness. They experience a new birth, a new life, and have a relationship with God through his Son Jesus Christ. Real Salvation offers no Lite alternative. It’s all or nothing with God.”
Victims of this insidious fraud are outraged. Said an annoyed, anonymous tax-cheat and husband beater, “I got this email promising me Salvation Lite! It said, ‘With only one-third of the conviction of sin, no repentance needed, and no nasty confessing my innermost sins to God aftertaste’. It’s supposed to be just like real Salvation, with no cost to me! Heck, I didn’t actually want to stop sinning; I just didn’t want to go to hell!”
No stranger to fraud charges himself, business mogul Kahn Dominatus actually likes the idea of Salvation Lite. “Bluntly, genuine Salvation costs too much. It’s a burden to consumers. I want a knock-off version that’s cheap, gets me through an hour every Sunday before golf, and doesn’t make self-sacrificing demands of my life. I’m too busy fighting all these child labor law violation lawsuits and other bleeding heart liberal nonsense. Salvation Lite? I say, ‘Yes!’”
Of course, his self-aggrandizing business cards are emblazoned with the boast, “If anyone Kahn, Dominatus Kahn!”
Usain Watt is upset, not only for those victimized by the phony offer of Salvation Lite, but by the willing blindness of those who know better but buy into it anyway. He suspects that some people willingly love darkness because their deeds are evil. They know it’s a lie but choose it anyway.
Watt asked, “The morally insane walk among us. Does anyone ever notice that there is no Soul Back Guarantee If Not Completely Satisfied offered with Salvation Lite? That’s because only true Salvation offers guarantees. So-called Salvation Lite comes from the sweatshops of Hell.”
He said, “Salvation Lite is a spoof product brought to you by the hellions at Lake ‘O Fire Laboratories. Since God fired their CEO and shut down their division, they’ve illegally regrouped trying to copy the real thing with imitations: false religions, ‘godhood for humanity’, ‘working your way to Heaven’ doctrines, having to be ‘good enough for Salvation’ myths, the ‘all path lead to God’ lie… they’re ingenious, but like their products, they never quite deliver what they promise.”
According to an official spokesperson for genuine Salvation, “Our product is free for the asking but it doesn’t come cheap. Once you have Salvation, you have to work it out in every area of your life with fear and trembling. Don’t trust the knock-off artists. Go with the original. Trust in God. Real Salvation was his idea anyway.”
Bryan Hupperts © 2005 -2009
www.sheeptrax.com/xpress
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