Mormons
The real sacred scrolls of Mormon.
The Mormon Church is reeling at the triumphant announcement of the discovery of the actual sacred gold tablets revealed to church founder Joseph Smith by the angel Moroni.
“It’s a sign from God that we are the only true church on earth,” said jubilant Mormon archeologist Dr. Dagon Fallen. “We’ve searched for the lost civilizations mentioned in the Book of Mormon ever since Joseph’s Smith’s blessed visions but so far, nada. Not a single verifiable archeological artifact. Nothing. Squat. Not so much as an arrowhead and now suddenly, we have the mother lode!”
The golden tablets are, according to Mormon teaching, ancient documents that reveal that the true faith is none other than Mormonism. Apparently, after his resurrection, Jesus Christ came and ministered among North American Indians.
Whoa. Who knew?
For non-Mormons, Moroni is a resurrected celestial being from the tribe of the Nephites who appeared to Joseph Smith and announced that all churches were apostate having been corrupted from the “true everlasting Gospel” and that Smith alone was called to restore the “true faith.” Church critics point out this revelation contradicts Jesus’ promise in Matthew 16:18, “I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it.”
The Nephites, according to the book of Mormon, lived in North America before the Indians but no archeological evidence of them has ever been found. Overwhelming evidence for every civilization mentioned in the Bible has been found “in spades,” as archeologists like to pun, but nothing, not a lone shard of pottery, has ever been found to validate the claims of the Book of Mormon. Nothing.
Critics say that even a precursory reading of the Book of Mormon shows it to be a product of 19th Century America by someone versed in the tedious, archaic language of the Kings James Bible. For a book that claims to be another testament of Jesus Christ, the Book of Mormon is embarrassingly replete with historical errors.
The angel of light Moroni directed Joseph Smith to Cumorah in upstate New York where he could dig up these golden tablets (plates) which were God’s revelation of the true faith which superseded all others including the Bible.
According to Smith, the golden tablets were written in an unknown script which he called “reformed Egyptian,” a script no Egyptologist has even been able to identify, and no wonder; when forced to stand trial for fraud, Smith was asked to translate known Egyptian hieroglyphs into English, he finally admitted he could not.
Mormon archeologists are used to dealing with disappointment. Good thing, too. It turned out that this archeological wonder of the ages is a fraud. The attached photo shows the sacred reformed Egyptian glyphs which were hand painted onto a rock that had been spray-painted with gold Krylon pant. When translated, it loosely reads (translating Egyptian into English):
“Yo, Joe.
You been punked.
Peace out, homey.
Moroni
Authorities suspect some “exmos,” former Mormons, disillusioned with the historical fraud of their faith, were responsible for the telling prank. Still, brave Mormon archeologists like Dr. Dagon Fallen continue to transverse the Americas looking for something, anything to validate their spurious claim that the Book of Mormon is really inspired Scripture.
And they keep looking… and looking… and looking…
Bryan Hupperts © 2009
www.sheeptrax.com/xpress
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