The
Dr. Americana Bones, the famous adventurer archeologist, has unearthed an ancient document that is by far the oldest writing ever discovered. “It’s genuine,” said the intrepid explorer. “I’ll bet my hat and whip on it.”
Bones, professor emeritus at Schmoo U, has been hunting ancient artifacts for decades and says this is his greatest archeological triumph. He calls the partially translated document in question, “The Fear Factory.”
Said the excited, if creaky, Bones, “This is written in an unknown language, similar to ancient Chinese script. Perhaps it is the mother tongue that gave birth to all languages. And, to put my neck on the academic chopping block, whoever wrote this, well, I’m not sure they were even human.”
Bones shared his spectacular find at a press conference recently to the cheers and jeers of bug-eyed fans and foes alike. In lecture fashion, Bones explained, “This document tells of an incredible war, a plan of conquest, against the people of earth…”
Referencing an ancient Babylonian god, one professor interrupted sneering, “What does it say? ‘Marduk was here?’”
“… who were living in a Paradise. According to the text, there were only two of them. Their names were “Clay’ and ‘Taken From Clay’; something like that.”
Shouted a professor of Hebrew history and Biblical studies, referencing the Eden story, “But that’s what the name Adam means: ‘Clay’. His wife Eve was taken from his rib, so she could easily be referred to as ‘Taken From Clay.’”
Bones looked over his shoulder, flashing his famous grin, “I know. Kinda cool, huh?” He resumed writing on the blackboard and lecturing amid the speculative murmuring.
To paraphrase the lecture, Bones and his team of experts assert that the document is a plan to take what was intended to be a human Paradise and transform it into what they describe as a “Fear Factory.”
The strategy was based not on a military invasion, but upon deception. The document describes Clay and Taken from Clay as caretakers of Paradise. They held the key to it.
“Curiously,” said Bones, “the name of the invading warrior has two meanings. It can be translated dark angel and it can be translated light angel, depending on the context. One of my teams believes that it can actually be translated ‘a dark angel who can yet appear as an angel of light.’”
Asked a slack jawed reporter, “Wait. Isn’t that the Biblical name for… Satan?”
Dr. Bones gave an unsmiling nod.
A skeptic interjected, “Just a moment Dr. Bones. This is nothing more than the Eden myth you’re regurgitating here. There are no documents or antiquities to prove such a thing ever actually happened.”
Said Bones, pointing to the Fear Factory document, “There are now. And besides, there is also the most reliable historical document ever penned, the Bible.”
An academic uproar erupted when an unnamed cynic retorted, sputtering, “The Bible is full of contradictions! Have you taken leave of your senses, Dr. Bones? It’s unreliable as a historical document.”
Said the unflappable Bones, “Contradictions? Really? Name even one.”
Deafening silence.
He continued, “According to this plan, the idea was to trick this couple into turning their allegiance from the Great God Without A Name in the heavens. If they could be beguiled, seduced through a lie, they would turn their authority over to this “dark/light angel” character who would then ravish the earth, transforming it from a paradise to his own personal torture chamber, his own Fear Factory. And guess who got to be his gruesome playthings?”
The lecture and question and answer period lasted for several exhaustive hours until Dr. Bones finally dismissed the stunned crowd. He picked up his document and hat to leave.
“A final question, Dr. Bones?” asked a reporter. He nodded. “Where are you off to now? Back to the dig site where this document was unearthed?”
Dr. Americana Bones turned, and said, “Actually, I am going to church. Join me if you like.” He tipped his hat, grinned, and walked out the door. He was last seen driving away in his roadster tagged with his infamous license plate number: EZE 37-3.
“He said to me, ‘Son of man, can these bones live?” And I answered, “O Lord GOD, You know. Ezekiel 37:3.
Bryan Hupperts © 2004 -2009
www.sheeptrax.com/xpress
This material maybe forwarded without cost provided the copyright and contact information remains intact. For knowing more about Jesus, radio interviews (I’m an ex-DJ) or, to subscribe to this once a week tabloid, contact bhupperts@sheeptrax.com
Christian satire, religious humor, pop culture parables, sermon illustrations, or spoof & wit - call us what you will, we’re original.
SheepTrax Xpress: It’s not the News, It’s the Truth!
