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Fenton, MO.  Off Highway 30 just outside St. Louis, MO (USA) sits the $20 million dollar ministry headquarters of Joyce Myers Ministries.

Meyers, a grandmother, Christian TV personality, and mega-best selling author, is an advocate of the Prosperity Gospel, the belief that God wants his followers rich. Really rich.

Adding to the controversy are Evangelist Meyers apparent spiritual super powers. “She’s like a tongue-talking Wonder Woman,” fumed nearby farmer Dusty Roads. “In traffic jams, she pops her well coffered head out of her limo’s sun roof, points her gold handled walking stick at the traffic, and viola!, she pulls a Moses. The traffic majestically parts and she sails through as the traffic lights all go green. The rest of we mere mortals are all stuck in a massive pile-up while she drives merrily on. It’s irritating.”

Like Wonder Woman, Meyers does have a jet but it’s not invisible. In fact, its visibility has garnered much criticism. She is affiliated with many preachers whose good standing with the tax authorities is in dispute, though she has been cleared of wrongdoing. Still, her affiliation with the so-called Prophetic Movement has raised eyebrows. While she has generally shied away from some of the extream practices of other prosperity and prophetic preachers, there are still complaints.

Local bird hunters are getting tried of shooting near her headquarters only to find out that those “freakin huge geese” are really angels come to drop Holy Ghost feathers, jewels, and gold dust onto the faithful, a phenomena reportedly happening in charismatic circles around the planet.

Concerned about reports of her growing super powers, local politicians are considering an ordinance to keep Meyers off the road during funerals fearing “the Lazarus effect.” Concerned about potential revenue loss, she is already banned from local bread and wine tastings - in case that multiplying miracle principle she preaches actually works.

Said Farmer Roads, “I’m telling you, I’ve seen weird things near that compound of hers. She has super-powers.” Though he refused to elaborate, he whispered, “Just watch her near a lake or river. Watch how she really crosses. Spooky.”

Bryan Hupperts (c)  2009

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