Log in • Subscribe

An

By bryan • on May 19, 2009

You can’t swing a dead cat these days without hitting someone claiming to be an apostle. There were, I believe, only 23 apostles listed or mentioned in the New Testament and, while I believe the gifts of the Spirit and the 5 fold offices listed in Ephesians chapter 4 are as needful today as they were in the early days of the church, I cautiously question the sudden emergence of so many thousands of apostles.

It is debated ad nauseaum what the marks of an apostle are: Jesus personally called them, they have seen the risen Lord with their own eyes, they (with prophets) lay the foundations of the church. I maintain that the true marks of an apostle are on his back - and if they’re not, one day they will be. Apostleship is a call to sacrifice and suffering for the glory of God.

Having established my own view on this, I thought it wise to pen the resume of an apostle. With so many competitive voices clamoring, making so many claims, we need a standard lest we be deceived.

#################

SEEKING EMPLOYMENT: Apostle to the nations, foundation of the church, divine governmental voice on earth.

WORK EXPERIENCE: I was personally called by Jesus to be his witness to the uttermost parts of the earth. Expert in Ministry Administration with emphasis in Finance. Successful fundraiser. Cast out devils, healed the sick, preached the Kingdom of God. Personally negotiated with hostile ministry forces for the purchase of land. Nearly 3 years of discipleship training with ministry practicum: did not complete my degree nor attend my graduation due to personal issues.

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: I excel in the ability to understand, and sympathize with, opponents. My negotiation skills are remarkable in multi-class struggles. I am comfortable working with High Church members as well as the laity. I can clearly see both sides of any issue.

HONORS: Worked miracles, personal friendship with the Savior of humanity, minored in geopolitical struggles of oppressed minority classes. I have a global reputation and have become a household name in the church world.

BENEFITS PACKAGE REQUIREMENT: Payment in cash only, thanks.

REFERENCES: None provided. Who would dare question me?

Contact: HeyJudas666@hotmail.com for further information.

################

Did you run a reference check on this apostle? Try these titles in the Scripture to resolve his identity:

The Thief

Son of Perdition

One possessed by the devil

Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Him.

Did I mention the Scripture also says, in Acts 1:25, that Judas’ Apostleship was stripped from him and given to another?

With so many voices making so many claims, perhaps it would be wise to read between the lines. The hallmark of the Last Days is Deception. There are many ministry resumes floating about that don’t tell the entire story, and, just because you were personally called by Jesus, it doesn’t necessarily mean you were finally chosen in the final cut. Indeed, many are called, but few are chosen.

The Scriptures admonished us in 2 Corinthians 13:12, “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” As illustrated in the case of Judas, some kisses are less holy than others. The watermark of an apostle is self-sacrificing service for the glory of God. Anything else is rooted in deception.

The next time the media trumpets sound hailing the arrival of apostle so and so, be wise before buying. It could very well be true and, if so, the Kingdom of God will surely advance! May this exhortation from the lips of Jesus be spoken of the Last Days church. Revelation 2:2, “I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars.”

www.sheeptrax.com/xpress
This material maybe forwarded without cost provided the copyright and contact information remains intact. For knowing more about Jesus, radio interviews or to subscribe to this once a week tabloid, contact bhupperts@sheeptrax.com

Religious humor and satire, Christian storytelling, pop culture parables, sermon illustrations, or snarky wit - call us what you will, we’re original.

SheepTrax Xpress: It’s not the News, It’s the Truth!